omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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