i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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