so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
