Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
