we're chasing vodka with high fives
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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