I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
