Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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