FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
