Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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