i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize