So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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