Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
