dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
