Soap is not a condiment
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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