The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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