My first STD was from a foam party
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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