I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize