oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We are two peas in an std pod
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
