I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize