I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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