I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
