I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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