yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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