come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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