so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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