yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
