Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
