So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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