At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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