you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
