My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
