and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
