I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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