Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
