Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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