I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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