I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He felt like a one man threesome
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it's great music for shaving your balls
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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