Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
