she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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