my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
