Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
