Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
