Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
