dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
