allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize