My nipple is on Facebook.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When did angry sex become our thing?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
