I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
