Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
