my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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