C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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