FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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