4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got chris browned last night
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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