nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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