we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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