All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
