my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
