i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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