My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
