She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize