Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Someone came in the potted fern
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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