you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
