The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
