I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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