He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
