and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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