Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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