Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
