Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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