I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
