We need to rekindle our bromance
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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