Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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