Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bring me that man meat
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
