peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
