I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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