Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
