FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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