i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
