i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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