we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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