Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
