i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
