Betty ford says i'm here all night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
