he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
