its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
