so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
