Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
