i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
