Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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