Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize