Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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