not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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