3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Did I show you my penis last night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
