you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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