I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
