I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
its liver damage thursday
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
