just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
