Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
