I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
