She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
